On Consequences

“As a consequence of that new attitude, the individual would throw himself into normal activities with more vigor.  Just try to get a second wind.  I don’t know how to describe it.  But he would try to indulge himself in normal activities.  Almost as if he was welcoming himself back to a lifestyle, a state of mind, that was without the fear, the terror, and the harm.  

But slowly, the pressures, tensions, dissatisfactions which, in the very early stages, fueled this thing, had an effect.  Yet it was more self-sustaining and didn’t need as much tension or as much disharmony externally as it had before.  It sort of reached a point where this condition would generate its own needs, wouldn’t need that reservoir of tension or stress that it seemed to thrive on before.  Gradually, as I say, it would reemerge.

[…] reflect on the quality of the act, to a degree, but not a great deal of reflection as a means of preserving it for the sake of gratification.  Because it wasn’t a totally satisfying experience, you know.  Once the condition began to reassert its force, it didn’t look back.  It looked forward.  Didn’t want to dwell on the preceding event, but began to plan, anticipate, contemplate the next.

Of course, things would be learned.  Experience teaches in overt and subtle ways.  And over a period of time, there would be less panic, there would be less confusion, there would be less fear and apprehension.”

(Michaud, Aynesworth)

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